nice guys vs Nice Guys™

Everywhere I look there's always a few guys bitching about perpetual friend-zoning. I'll admit that I used to be in this boat too. However, now I realize that there are nice guys, and then there are Nice Guys™. Now nice guys are genuinely good people, they'll respect you, do nice things for you, and basically treat you like they'd treat any friend. The key thing here is that they won't expect anything in return (i.e. sex or romantic interest), nor will they get all passive-aggressive and whiny when they realize that they're in the "friend-zone". They'll just move on, because they realize that not every girl they go after is going to be into them, in addition some also realize that being friends is not the worst thing in the world if the girl is cool enough. These are the guys who are most likely to get into relationships with awesome, non-crazy women that have healthy levels of self-esteem.

Now onto Nice Guys™. Nice Guys™ like to portray themselves as kind and caring souls, shoulders to cry on, and guys who are always "there for you". They make it a point to go out of their way to help you out, but alas there is an ulterior motive. They think that by coming your knight in shining armor, they'll woo you into either falling for them, or at the very least, an all-expenses-paid excursion inside your pants. They put you up on a pedestal instead of talking and interacting with you like you're a regular person. They refuse to speak up when they disagree with something you say, but they won't forget it, oh no, expect it to rear it's ugly head weeks or months later. When they find out that you're not romantically interested in them, they'll throw public or private tantrums and blame it on your lack of interest or that you only like guys that treat you like crap. They're unable to see that their own behavior is disrespectful and dishonest and thus will continue to go after girls who just aren't interested instead of confronting their own issues. Thus, they can always paint themselves as selfless martyrs, hopeless romantics who've simply been played by evil girls who just go cuh-raaaaazy for collar-popping, date-raping, birthday-forgetting losers.

Now they key thing to do here is to analyse your situation and do a self-evaluation. Which one are you? I'm proud to say that I'm the former. Of course I didn't start on that track, rather I just... grew up.

A Simplified Economic Model of the Social Lives of Young Adults

As a freshman at the University of Notre Dame looking at business, economics, and finance as a possible career route, I couldn't help but draw some correlations between the idea of economic models and the dating scene here and possibly at other colleges. In my opinion, you can simplistically model dating and social life as an economic trade. In this sense, young men generally trade emotional support for sex, while young women generally trade sex for emotional support.

If you trade fairly then you have a happy relationship, however when ideal market conditions do not exist, this is where the concept of "nice guy" doormats and "easy girl" sluts come into play. If a female offers the sex too cheaply (i.e. without demanding emotional support in return) then the market value of her product goes down. In turn, uncaring men (aka jerks) will take the sex without giving back emotional support -- this is the stereotypical "easy girl" who only gets invited to frat parties because she puts out easily. Conversely, if a male offers emotional support too easily, then the market value of his product will also go down, and insecure women will take all the support he can offer without having to offer back sex... (at most, he's likely to get some odd bit of flirting as compensation for his product). This is the stereotypical wimpy "nice guy" that girls say "If only he were like you" to. These kinds of guys are kept around and minimally flirted-with because their product (compliments, emotional support, attention) is useful and easy to get. However, a female will never sleep with this kind of male because: A) His product is offered at way below market value, and B) She doesn't take him seriously enough to consider him a potential mate.

It's a cold, sterile model which obviously doesn't capture all of the nuances of socializing and dating for a second, but nonetheless, I believe it is a compellingly simple model that explains the basic idea of "nice guys" and "easy girls" alike. The lesson to be taken from this economic model is that niceness could pay, provided you are NOT EXPLOITABLE. If you price your goods or services too far below market value, nobody will recognize the real significance of what you're offering, thus by extension, they will not value you. More importantly, they won't stop exploiting the use of your services or goods. People will almost never voluntarily pay more than you make them pay. My guess is that, while oversimplified, this is more right than wrong, i.e. a handy way to look at things.