10 things I wish I knew when I started college

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unplug

When I post something, it's usually based off of my own personal struggles, thoughts, or experiences. That might be why some of my posts come off as "self-help" status. Hell, maybe that should be a tag in itself on my blog. I suppose the general idea is that I use this blog as a last filter, the last tool in my arsenal to reach a moment of clarity in my thoughts... Some lucidity, if you will. Regardless, prepare for an epiphany.

The thought process here is that I hate it when people complain about their situation and do nothing about it. I'll admit, I used to be like that A LOT in high school. A whiny bastard. The theologian Reinhold Niebuhr said it best in his untitled prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."

I love that, I read it everyday. It's a single-entendre full of the mindset required to make yourself a better person. The people that sit around and complain are the people that expect things to change for them, with no proactive actions on their part. Life will not change on its own. There is no "new life" in real life. You don't get an alter ego. You've got this life. If you're at all unhappy, or at the very least, mildy less than satisfied, then you need to ask yourself "What do I want?" If there is any part of you that wants something better than this, than what you currently have, then stand the fuck up. Unplug. Do it.

Remember that no one can change you except for you. We are creatures of habit. We learn behaviors, we repeat them, until any change of behavior seems impossible. But it’s not. We are creatures driven by our instincts, but not ruled by them. You may be used to this day to day, tedious affair that you recognize as your "life", but that doesn't mean you don't have the power to change it.

Break out of the mold that you set yourself in. Find something new to indulge in, be active, meet people. Never resign yourself to being unsatisfied with life. Life is short, and possibly all we have. Do all you can to make it worth it, and never settle. Find your fucking double rainbow, and make sure it's intense.

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this isn't some profound thought or discovery I made while on the toilet. I just wanted to point out that I've adopted a new name for the blog and I've changed the url accordingly. alas this is my attempt to strike on some sort of original name. it's quite frustrating when I think of something "genius" only to realize that it's taken by some guy named ___ who last posted about ___ in 2001. the design is also changed in an effort to achieve minimalism while still promoting a euphoric atmosphere (hence the yellow). another recent addition is the ability to subscribe to my blog via email as well as the ever so popular "Share this" buttons on each post.

EDIT: At the request of one of my most avid readers I have abandoned "vomit" yellow in favor of Twitter blue. Happy reading, anon.

Gerty, is there someone else in the room?

Ah the wonders of technology, I am currently talking to my computer. I swear, I am not typing any of this. One thing I will admit is that dictating to my computer makes the conversation less natural if anything. I feel like I am constantly on alert for mistakes that the speech recognition software might make. In the end although this is a pretty cool thing, I feel like it does not make anything easier. I'm pretty sure that I would have finished typing this message a long time ago if I did not have to talk and correct the retarded computer on every other word. At first I thought that this would be a cool way to blog due to the fact that talking is more like stream of consciousness, but I was wrong. Anyway, this has been fun... Not. It's been interesting yet frustrating.

Brando over and out.

(anxiously awaiting the day when this actually proves useful)

#1

Perfection. A word that has no precise definition... something that has never really been achieved in all of human history. Throughout your adolescent stages you feel the urge to conquer all of your imperfections, fearing that each and every human being is analyzing your flaws. This fear causes feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. You attempt to conceal these flaws with an outer exterior, all the while knowing that if you’re unmasked, the porcelain perception people had of you would be forever shattered... Knowing that your flaws will then be on a pedestal, for each and every person in your world to see. The spotlight is now on you, you’re gasping for air but your lungs have been submerged with self-doubt. You have now let go of yourself... the characteristics and qualities that formed you into a unique person. Unlike the rest of society, you were a person of your own distinctive appearances, morals, and ethics. You have now transformed into a mere materialization of other people’s perception of beauty, no longer one of your own. One day you wake up and in the mirror you see the face you’ve come so accustomed to... You come to the understanding that this is no longer your face, merely a mask.

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense that our lifestyles are probably comparable, I am simply not there.

nice guys vs Nice Guys™

Everywhere I look there's always a few guys bitching about perpetual friend-zoning. I'll admit that I used to be in this boat too. However, now I realize that there are nice guys, and then there are Nice Guys™. Now nice guys are genuinely good people, they'll respect you, do nice things for you, and basically treat you like they'd treat any friend. The key thing here is that they won't expect anything in return (i.e. sex or romantic interest), nor will they get all passive-aggressive and whiny when they realize that they're in the "friend-zone". They'll just move on, because they realize that not every girl they go after is going to be into them, in addition some also realize that being friends is not the worst thing in the world if the girl is cool enough. These are the guys who are most likely to get into relationships with awesome, non-crazy women that have healthy levels of self-esteem.

Now onto Nice Guys™. Nice Guys™ like to portray themselves as kind and caring souls, shoulders to cry on, and guys who are always "there for you". They make it a point to go out of their way to help you out, but alas there is an ulterior motive. They think that by coming your knight in shining armor, they'll woo you into either falling for them, or at the very least, an all-expenses-paid excursion inside your pants. They put you up on a pedestal instead of talking and interacting with you like you're a regular person. They refuse to speak up when they disagree with something you say, but they won't forget it, oh no, expect it to rear it's ugly head weeks or months later. When they find out that you're not romantically interested in them, they'll throw public or private tantrums and blame it on your lack of interest or that you only like guys that treat you like crap. They're unable to see that their own behavior is disrespectful and dishonest and thus will continue to go after girls who just aren't interested instead of confronting their own issues. Thus, they can always paint themselves as selfless martyrs, hopeless romantics who've simply been played by evil girls who just go cuh-raaaaazy for collar-popping, date-raping, birthday-forgetting losers.

Now they key thing to do here is to analyse your situation and do a self-evaluation. Which one are you? I'm proud to say that I'm the former. Of course I didn't start on that track, rather I just... grew up.

A Simplified Economic Model of the Social Lives of Young Adults

As a freshman at the University of Notre Dame looking at business, economics, and finance as a possible career route, I couldn't help but draw some correlations between the idea of economic models and the dating scene here and possibly at other colleges. In my opinion, you can simplistically model dating and social life as an economic trade. In this sense, young men generally trade emotional support for sex, while young women generally trade sex for emotional support.

If you trade fairly then you have a happy relationship, however when ideal market conditions do not exist, this is where the concept of "nice guy" doormats and "easy girl" sluts come into play. If a female offers the sex too cheaply (i.e. without demanding emotional support in return) then the market value of her product goes down. In turn, uncaring men (aka jerks) will take the sex without giving back emotional support -- this is the stereotypical "easy girl" who only gets invited to frat parties because she puts out easily. Conversely, if a male offers emotional support too easily, then the market value of his product will also go down, and insecure women will take all the support he can offer without having to offer back sex... (at most, he's likely to get some odd bit of flirting as compensation for his product). This is the stereotypical wimpy "nice guy" that girls say "If only he were like you" to. These kinds of guys are kept around and minimally flirted-with because their product (compliments, emotional support, attention) is useful and easy to get. However, a female will never sleep with this kind of male because: A) His product is offered at way below market value, and B) She doesn't take him seriously enough to consider him a potential mate.

It's a cold, sterile model which obviously doesn't capture all of the nuances of socializing and dating for a second, but nonetheless, I believe it is a compellingly simple model that explains the basic idea of "nice guys" and "easy girls" alike. The lesson to be taken from this economic model is that niceness could pay, provided you are NOT EXPLOITABLE. If you price your goods or services too far below market value, nobody will recognize the real significance of what you're offering, thus by extension, they will not value you. More importantly, they won't stop exploiting the use of your services or goods. People will almost never voluntarily pay more than you make them pay. My guess is that, while oversimplified, this is more right than wrong, i.e. a handy way to look at things.