#1

Perfection. A word that has no precise definition... something that has never really been achieved in all of human history. Throughout your adolescent stages you feel the urge to conquer all of your imperfections, fearing that each and every human being is analyzing your flaws. This fear causes feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. You attempt to conceal these flaws with an outer exterior, all the while knowing that if you’re unmasked, the porcelain perception people had of you would be forever shattered... Knowing that your flaws will then be on a pedestal, for each and every person in your world to see. The spotlight is now on you, you’re gasping for air but your lungs have been submerged with self-doubt. You have now let go of yourself... the characteristics and qualities that formed you into a unique person. Unlike the rest of society, you were a person of your own distinctive appearances, morals, and ethics. You have now transformed into a mere materialization of other people’s perception of beauty, no longer one of your own. One day you wake up and in the mirror you see the face you’ve come so accustomed to... You come to the understanding that this is no longer your face, merely a mask.

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense that our lifestyles are probably comparable, I am simply not there.