Gerty, is there someone else in the room?

Ah the wonders of technology, I am currently talking to my computer. I swear, I am not typing any of this. One thing I will admit is that dictating to my computer makes the conversation less natural if anything. I feel like I am constantly on alert for mistakes that the speech recognition software might make. In the end although this is a pretty cool thing, I feel like it does not make anything easier. I'm pretty sure that I would have finished typing this message a long time ago if I did not have to talk and correct the retarded computer on every other word. At first I thought that this would be a cool way to blog due to the fact that talking is more like stream of consciousness, but I was wrong. Anyway, this has been fun... Not. It's been interesting yet frustrating.

Brando over and out.

(anxiously awaiting the day when this actually proves useful)

#1

Perfection. A word that has no precise definition... something that has never really been achieved in all of human history. Throughout your adolescent stages you feel the urge to conquer all of your imperfections, fearing that each and every human being is analyzing your flaws. This fear causes feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. You attempt to conceal these flaws with an outer exterior, all the while knowing that if you’re unmasked, the porcelain perception people had of you would be forever shattered... Knowing that your flaws will then be on a pedestal, for each and every person in your world to see. The spotlight is now on you, you’re gasping for air but your lungs have been submerged with self-doubt. You have now let go of yourself... the characteristics and qualities that formed you into a unique person. Unlike the rest of society, you were a person of your own distinctive appearances, morals, and ethics. You have now transformed into a mere materialization of other people’s perception of beauty, no longer one of your own. One day you wake up and in the mirror you see the face you’ve come so accustomed to... You come to the understanding that this is no longer your face, merely a mask.

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense that our lifestyles are probably comparable, I am simply not there.

nice guys vs Nice Guys™

Everywhere I look there's always a few guys bitching about perpetual friend-zoning. I'll admit that I used to be in this boat too. However, now I realize that there are nice guys, and then there are Nice Guys™. Now nice guys are genuinely good people, they'll respect you, do nice things for you, and basically treat you like they'd treat any friend. The key thing here is that they won't expect anything in return (i.e. sex or romantic interest), nor will they get all passive-aggressive and whiny when they realize that they're in the "friend-zone". They'll just move on, because they realize that not every girl they go after is going to be into them, in addition some also realize that being friends is not the worst thing in the world if the girl is cool enough. These are the guys who are most likely to get into relationships with awesome, non-crazy women that have healthy levels of self-esteem.

Now onto Nice Guys™. Nice Guys™ like to portray themselves as kind and caring souls, shoulders to cry on, and guys who are always "there for you". They make it a point to go out of their way to help you out, but alas there is an ulterior motive. They think that by coming your knight in shining armor, they'll woo you into either falling for them, or at the very least, an all-expenses-paid excursion inside your pants. They put you up on a pedestal instead of talking and interacting with you like you're a regular person. They refuse to speak up when they disagree with something you say, but they won't forget it, oh no, expect it to rear it's ugly head weeks or months later. When they find out that you're not romantically interested in them, they'll throw public or private tantrums and blame it on your lack of interest or that you only like guys that treat you like crap. They're unable to see that their own behavior is disrespectful and dishonest and thus will continue to go after girls who just aren't interested instead of confronting their own issues. Thus, they can always paint themselves as selfless martyrs, hopeless romantics who've simply been played by evil girls who just go cuh-raaaaazy for collar-popping, date-raping, birthday-forgetting losers.

Now they key thing to do here is to analyse your situation and do a self-evaluation. Which one are you? I'm proud to say that I'm the former. Of course I didn't start on that track, rather I just... grew up.

A Simplified Economic Model of the Social Lives of Young Adults

As a freshman at the University of Notre Dame looking at business, economics, and finance as a possible career route, I couldn't help but draw some correlations between the idea of economic models and the dating scene here and possibly at other colleges. In my opinion, you can simplistically model dating and social life as an economic trade. In this sense, young men generally trade emotional support for sex, while young women generally trade sex for emotional support.

If you trade fairly then you have a happy relationship, however when ideal market conditions do not exist, this is where the concept of "nice guy" doormats and "easy girl" sluts come into play. If a female offers the sex too cheaply (i.e. without demanding emotional support in return) then the market value of her product goes down. In turn, uncaring men (aka jerks) will take the sex without giving back emotional support -- this is the stereotypical "easy girl" who only gets invited to frat parties because she puts out easily. Conversely, if a male offers emotional support too easily, then the market value of his product will also go down, and insecure women will take all the support he can offer without having to offer back sex... (at most, he's likely to get some odd bit of flirting as compensation for his product). This is the stereotypical wimpy "nice guy" that girls say "If only he were like you" to. These kinds of guys are kept around and minimally flirted-with because their product (compliments, emotional support, attention) is useful and easy to get. However, a female will never sleep with this kind of male because: A) His product is offered at way below market value, and B) She doesn't take him seriously enough to consider him a potential mate.

It's a cold, sterile model which obviously doesn't capture all of the nuances of socializing and dating for a second, but nonetheless, I believe it is a compellingly simple model that explains the basic idea of "nice guys" and "easy girls" alike. The lesson to be taken from this economic model is that niceness could pay, provided you are NOT EXPLOITABLE. If you price your goods or services too far below market value, nobody will recognize the real significance of what you're offering, thus by extension, they will not value you. More importantly, they won't stop exploiting the use of your services or goods. People will almost never voluntarily pay more than you make them pay. My guess is that, while oversimplified, this is more right than wrong, i.e. a handy way to look at things.

Goals

Earlier today I was talking to my dad about goals in regards to where I want to be in life after college. In the midst of rambling on about majors and graduate school, I realized something epic. I realized that I want the world to know who I am. I want to make millions of dollars. I want to achieve greatness. Lofty goals you may say? Well I say: define lofty goal.

A lofty goal is a high goal isn't it? Well I say why not set your goals high? Of course there is a difference between setting a high goal that you know you can reach versus a high goal that's unreachable. Everyone really needs to look at their lives and see what they can really achieve. The conundrum here is that most people set their goals too low. They really don't see their full potential, they may think that they do, but they really don't. I think that out of a scale of 1 to 10, most people set the bar at 7. Honestly. That's a HUGE amount of potential leftover just because we don't truly see how much we can achieve.

I believe that ambition is the key to success. No scratch that. I believe that there are two main keys to success. One is the ability to set your goal, and two, is the ability to persevere in the pursuit of that goal. You need to be able to see what you want, set the bar high, and be willing to put in the work and effort needed to reach your goal. Seldom is one born with a silver spoon in their mouth. You have to work pretty damn hard if you want something. And you have to work even harder if you want something great.

Back to my epic epiphany. I've decided that I'm in a good position now. College freshman, one semester down, loads more to go. The keys to my future are placed back in my hands even after setting the bar at 7 in high school. Ladies and gentleman, it is time to set the bar at 10. No, fuck that, let's set it at 12 and settle for 10 if we really have to. I do realize how much work I have in store for me. I do realize how many nights I have in store for me where I sit there and bang my head against the table. But then that's what this post is for. This is my moment of inspiration. My epic epiphany. My Invictus. In the hard times that undoubtedly lie ahead, I expect to look back at this often to find the strength to fight on.

As for you, reader. Have a goal and follow it up with copious amounts of determination and effort, you'll be surprised at how much you can achieve.

Get off the roof... the roof... the roof is on fire.

So I'm posting ahead of schedule... I still have two finals to go. History in 4 hours and Chemistry in 10. It's 4:23 am EST right now. My laundry's in the dryers downstairs, 53 minutes to go... tick tock... It's been so long since I've written anything meaningful. I'm not taking a writing class this semester (although I am regretting that decision now), and the papers that I write for Theology are full of mindless psychobabble that I pump out an hour before class. Thus, such work is invalid in my eyes. When I say writing something meaningful, I mean sitting there and delving into your mind, your heart, and your soul in order to find those elements that would make that something perfect -- in your eyes and your reader's eyes.

Even as I sit here and I type out my thoughts, I find that my ability to articulate what I'm thinking is severely diminished. Have you ever tried to talk while holding your tongue? That's what this feels like. "Hold your tongue and say apple" anyone? Regardless, I've decided that this is bad. This is bad because I have to write two timed papers in two hours for my History final in 4 hours. Oh boy. Not nice. Seriously, I've lost the ability to write under pressure. I feel like I'm in grade school again. Geez. I feel stupid. Retarded. I need to refocus and find that ability again. This is awful. To say the least.

Anyway, it is time for me to go back to my stack of Chemistry review material. Expect more posts more often now. After all, practice makes perfect right?

Mini update

So it's been a good 3 or 4 months since my last post here. I meant to post more often about my college experience, but what can I say, it's tough to put up stuff when you have so many things to do! Thus, I've decided to put up a string of posts updating everyone on my college shenanigans after finals are over in a week or two. And if I don't get around to that... then I'll just be sure to post something up with substance, unlike this update.

Good luck with finals! Or should I say

Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit?