nice guys vs Nice Guys™

Everywhere I look there's always a few guys bitching about perpetual friend-zoning. I'll admit that I used to be in this boat too. However, now I realize that there are nice guys, and then there are Nice Guys™. Now nice guys are genuinely good people, they'll respect you, do nice things for you, and basically treat you like they'd treat any friend. The key thing here is that they won't expect anything in return (i.e. sex or romantic interest), nor will they get all passive-aggressive and whiny when they realize that they're in the "friend-zone". They'll just move on, because they realize that not every girl they go after is going to be into them, in addition some also realize that being friends is not the worst thing in the world if the girl is cool enough. These are the guys who are most likely to get into relationships with awesome, non-crazy women that have healthy levels of self-esteem.

Now onto Nice Guys™. Nice Guys™ like to portray themselves as kind and caring souls, shoulders to cry on, and guys who are always "there for you". They make it a point to go out of their way to help you out, but alas there is an ulterior motive. They think that by coming your knight in shining armor, they'll woo you into either falling for them, or at the very least, an all-expenses-paid excursion inside your pants. They put you up on a pedestal instead of talking and interacting with you like you're a regular person. They refuse to speak up when they disagree with something you say, but they won't forget it, oh no, expect it to rear it's ugly head weeks or months later. When they find out that you're not romantically interested in them, they'll throw public or private tantrums and blame it on your lack of interest or that you only like guys that treat you like crap. They're unable to see that their own behavior is disrespectful and dishonest and thus will continue to go after girls who just aren't interested instead of confronting their own issues. Thus, they can always paint themselves as selfless martyrs, hopeless romantics who've simply been played by evil girls who just go cuh-raaaaazy for collar-popping, date-raping, birthday-forgetting losers.

Now they key thing to do here is to analyse your situation and do a self-evaluation. Which one are you? I'm proud to say that I'm the former. Of course I didn't start on that track, rather I just... grew up.

A Simplified Economic Model of the Social Lives of Young Adults

As a freshman at the University of Notre Dame looking at business, economics, and finance as a possible career route, I couldn't help but draw some correlations between the idea of economic models and the dating scene here and possibly at other colleges. In my opinion, you can simplistically model dating and social life as an economic trade. In this sense, young men generally trade emotional support for sex, while young women generally trade sex for emotional support.

If you trade fairly then you have a happy relationship, however when ideal market conditions do not exist, this is where the concept of "nice guy" doormats and "easy girl" sluts come into play. If a female offers the sex too cheaply (i.e. without demanding emotional support in return) then the market value of her product goes down. In turn, uncaring men (aka jerks) will take the sex without giving back emotional support -- this is the stereotypical "easy girl" who only gets invited to frat parties because she puts out easily. Conversely, if a male offers emotional support too easily, then the market value of his product will also go down, and insecure women will take all the support he can offer without having to offer back sex... (at most, he's likely to get some odd bit of flirting as compensation for his product). This is the stereotypical wimpy "nice guy" that girls say "If only he were like you" to. These kinds of guys are kept around and minimally flirted-with because their product (compliments, emotional support, attention) is useful and easy to get. However, a female will never sleep with this kind of male because: A) His product is offered at way below market value, and B) She doesn't take him seriously enough to consider him a potential mate.

It's a cold, sterile model which obviously doesn't capture all of the nuances of socializing and dating for a second, but nonetheless, I believe it is a compellingly simple model that explains the basic idea of "nice guys" and "easy girls" alike. The lesson to be taken from this economic model is that niceness could pay, provided you are NOT EXPLOITABLE. If you price your goods or services too far below market value, nobody will recognize the real significance of what you're offering, thus by extension, they will not value you. More importantly, they won't stop exploiting the use of your services or goods. People will almost never voluntarily pay more than you make them pay. My guess is that, while oversimplified, this is more right than wrong, i.e. a handy way to look at things.

Goals

Earlier today I was talking to my dad about goals in regards to where I want to be in life after college. In the midst of rambling on about majors and graduate school, I realized something epic. I realized that I want the world to know who I am. I want to make millions of dollars. I want to achieve greatness. Lofty goals you may say? Well I say: define lofty goal.

A lofty goal is a high goal isn't it? Well I say why not set your goals high? Of course there is a difference between setting a high goal that you know you can reach versus a high goal that's unreachable. Everyone really needs to look at their lives and see what they can really achieve. The conundrum here is that most people set their goals too low. They really don't see their full potential, they may think that they do, but they really don't. I think that out of a scale of 1 to 10, most people set the bar at 7. Honestly. That's a HUGE amount of potential leftover just because we don't truly see how much we can achieve.

I believe that ambition is the key to success. No scratch that. I believe that there are two main keys to success. One is the ability to set your goal, and two, is the ability to persevere in the pursuit of that goal. You need to be able to see what you want, set the bar high, and be willing to put in the work and effort needed to reach your goal. Seldom is one born with a silver spoon in their mouth. You have to work pretty damn hard if you want something. And you have to work even harder if you want something great.

Back to my epic epiphany. I've decided that I'm in a good position now. College freshman, one semester down, loads more to go. The keys to my future are placed back in my hands even after setting the bar at 7 in high school. Ladies and gentleman, it is time to set the bar at 10. No, fuck that, let's set it at 12 and settle for 10 if we really have to. I do realize how much work I have in store for me. I do realize how many nights I have in store for me where I sit there and bang my head against the table. But then that's what this post is for. This is my moment of inspiration. My epic epiphany. My Invictus. In the hard times that undoubtedly lie ahead, I expect to look back at this often to find the strength to fight on.

As for you, reader. Have a goal and follow it up with copious amounts of determination and effort, you'll be surprised at how much you can achieve.

Get off the roof... the roof... the roof is on fire.

So I'm posting ahead of schedule... I still have two finals to go. History in 4 hours and Chemistry in 10. It's 4:23 am EST right now. My laundry's in the dryers downstairs, 53 minutes to go... tick tock... It's been so long since I've written anything meaningful. I'm not taking a writing class this semester (although I am regretting that decision now), and the papers that I write for Theology are full of mindless psychobabble that I pump out an hour before class. Thus, such work is invalid in my eyes. When I say writing something meaningful, I mean sitting there and delving into your mind, your heart, and your soul in order to find those elements that would make that something perfect -- in your eyes and your reader's eyes.

Even as I sit here and I type out my thoughts, I find that my ability to articulate what I'm thinking is severely diminished. Have you ever tried to talk while holding your tongue? That's what this feels like. "Hold your tongue and say apple" anyone? Regardless, I've decided that this is bad. This is bad because I have to write two timed papers in two hours for my History final in 4 hours. Oh boy. Not nice. Seriously, I've lost the ability to write under pressure. I feel like I'm in grade school again. Geez. I feel stupid. Retarded. I need to refocus and find that ability again. This is awful. To say the least.

Anyway, it is time for me to go back to my stack of Chemistry review material. Expect more posts more often now. After all, practice makes perfect right?

Mini update

So it's been a good 3 or 4 months since my last post here. I meant to post more often about my college experience, but what can I say, it's tough to put up stuff when you have so many things to do! Thus, I've decided to put up a string of posts updating everyone on my college shenanigans after finals are over in a week or two. And if I don't get around to that... then I'll just be sure to post something up with substance, unlike this update.

Good luck with finals! Or should I say

Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit?

How to survive the college application process... if you're not a perfect Asian student.

Whether you like it or not, chances are if you're an incoming senior in high school, you're going to go through college application mania sometime soon. Yes even I still remember my time during college app mania, with the late nights, the cursing of higher education, and the breath-taking moments right before I clicked "Submit" and sent off my application for review. If your grades aren't perfect, don't worry, there's still hope for you too! Keep reading because some of these tips are especially important to remind the colleges that grades are NOT the most important thing in the world. Sadly, most of this generally doesn't apply to UC's, where it's mostly a numbers game. Berkeley and Los Angeles have a slightly more holistic system, but it's nowhere near as forgiving as private schools about your grades.

So here you are, a senior. Three long years of hard work have landed you here, but one of the most stressful times of your high school career is rolling up soon. Looking back, I think that it wasn't so bad, in the end, I was accepted into UC Berkeley, UC San Diego, UC Riverside, Tulane University, Boston University, and the University of Notre Dame. Hopefully I'll be able to help you get through this rough time with as little pain as possible. Read on if you want to see some of my tips and opinions from my own college application experience...

1. One thing that I can't stress enough is don't take the easy way out of high school. No matter how inclined you may feel to take a lighter class load, don't. This is especially true if your grades aren't pristine. I know you'll be burned out and ready to quit, but don't. For some colleges, seeing that you're still opting for the more challenging route your senior year could be that life boat that keeps you in the applicant pool. This doesn't mean that you'll be accepted, you'll just possibly last longer while they consider you for a spot in the accepted pool.
   
2. It's a little late to say it at this point, but do things in high school because you have a passion for it, not because it'll buff up your resume. Of course there's a fine line between doing things that you have a passion for and not doing anything at all. But generally it helps more to be very involved in one or two particular clubs, and use those as anchors for extracurriculars. For instance, my favorite club in high school was Future Business Leaders of America, and while I didn't go past local level in terms of being an officer, I did get far in the competitive events (State and Nationals).
3. Be a well rounded person! At this point more than ever, I think colleges are looking for well rounded people. It's no longer the most important thing for you to have straight A's and a 2400 on your SAT. My personal opinion is that you have to show the college that you belong there. That you'll be able to contribute to the society on campus through not only your academics, but your athletics, your social skills, and your overall personality as a human being.
   
4. In regards to number three on this list, your chance to show colleges who you are is through your essays/interviews. This is important! Your essays can be the thing that pushes you over the edge from an applicant to an accepted applicant. These are two more very important lifelines for students who don't have straight A's. It's your chance to shine not just as a student, but as a human being. So focus on showing who you are, in an eloquent way that doesn't sound fake. Should be easy right?
   
5. Your SAT score doesn't matter as much as you may think. 2000/2100+ is a good goal. I ended up getting a 2150 after my first test. I was disappointed at first but I never got around to retaking it, and I turned out fine. Don't place too much emphasis on this or freak out about it. Some people are more naturally adept at standardized testing, so keep that in mind. Also, if the SAT's not your thing, try out the ACT, it might suit you better, (I never took it so I wouldn't know though.)
6. Get good recommendation letters. I didn't really get the benefit of this point, but I mention it because I think it would really help to show your personality from someone else's point of view. So connect with your teachers, or your boss at work, don't grovel or kiss butt, but be memorable. I think that's the key actually, if you're memorable (in a good way of course), then you make it a lot easier for whoever's writing your recommendation to make it not sound generic.
7. Lastly, don't be afraid to apply Early Action or possibly Early Decision to your reach or dream schools. Remember, Early Action is non-binding, this means that you're not obligated to attend the university if you were to get accepted, you just find out earlier and in my opinion you may have a slightly higher chance of getting in. On the other hand, Early Decision is binding, and so I'd only recommend this if you know for sure that you want to go to the school you're applying to.

So that basically wraps up my thoughts and tips on the application process. Remember, if you don't have perfect grades, it's not the end of the world. You definitely need to make up for it during the application process through your essays and interviews however. Remember that you are a human being, you are not your test scores. So show that to the colleges that you're applying to. Hopefully this short list will help you keep your sanity in the coming months. So good luck to you, class of 2010, and may your college application experience be a fruitful one.

Working... in progress

Recently I've found that it's hard for me to get any work done when I'm at home, so I've had to resort to going to places like Barnes & Noble and Starbucks so that I can focus. One key thing to note is that I can only get something done if I go alone, accompanied only by my trusty laptop and my dad's AT&T Wi-Fi log in. I mention this because the exact opposite happens if I go with someone in a study group, I end up half heartedly trying and failing to get anything done. I think my mentality when it comes to this is that when you're out alone in a place such as Starbucks or B&N, what is there to do but to work and focus on working? While if you go to a place like this with a friend or in a group, it feels more appropriate to talk, catch up, or gossip.

Of course, the question is what am I supposed to be doing right now? Well right now I should be wrapping up a website design for a client, but I took some time out of it to post this blog. No worries though, I'm still settling in. The basic scenario is: I walk into Starbucks, order my usual iced green tea latte, and pick a quaint little table to get settled at. I might spend 15 minutes checking my email, or any of the social networking sites, or updating my blog. Once the 15 minutes are over, I proceed into my most efficient state. For some reason at places like this and in cases like this, the usual desires to go on Facebook and Youtube every few minutes don't seem as important. They're easy to ignore and disregard. I used to think going to Starbucks was just a trendy fad, (or going to coffee shops to work in general). But it seems that even this has found a little niche in my day-to-day. I have a feeling that this is a work/study habit that will definitely stay with me throughout college, especially considering the fact that one of my roommates said the following:

"oh and just to let you know I hope you're cool with partying and stuff cus with that extra room we got we obligated to throw down big time."

Believe it or not, I'm perfectly happy with "throwing down big time" it's just I realize that if home is where I'm going to be throwing down, then I'll have to find another place to work. Because it's common sense that work and play do not mix... Unless you're a pimp... or a hooker. Then work is play, and vice versa.

[photo courtesy of my Nokia E71]